Friday, February 16, 2007

random thoughts

this is what i hate... i have been blogging all my life and now that i've transferred and planned to write and update more, i couldn't seem to find the time to do so. ironic. it's like what happens when you're too eager to go to school with your new set of notebooks and you're enthusiastic enough to use them but there's nothing to write about. argh! the year ends with notes on your binder not even halfway along its leaves. darn!

check this out...im typing my night away with the typical thoughts, complaining about nothing to write, but then, here i am still typing and complaining, oh for goodness sake, am i making sense? (ahahha!) yup... im weird, and im insane. live with it!


hmmm... what's in the menu today?
boiled irony. brewed boring. stewed mind. frozen thoughts. shaken mood. stirred emotions.
not bad for a meal? enough to fill me for the night, i see.

nope. im not problematic. nor melancholic. haha... im not even sad. just plain numb and unfocused. i feel like there's so much stuff i want to do, but how? how in a sense of when... damn my indecisiveness for time. am i becoming one with those who flies with time unnoticed? where in the world did that come from? you see? even my thoughts are all mixed up. and yeah, the debate hasn't started yet. wait till you see two sides talking like mad cats, and you'll be more confused.

okay. let's set this straight. and get some sense out of it.

i feel pressured. i guess that's it. although that's usually normal. i was sick for a couple of days and it was a shock to me. yes, im petite, but i never get sick that often. so me becoming ill is like saying, what the hell am i doing wrong with myself?

answer: too much meat. too little fluid. too much stress. lack of sleep. lack of rest. LACK OF FUN. with so much work to do both in the store, on the job, and extra curricular family matters.

yeah... i know the answer, but i can't help it. i still couldn't discipline myself to the new timeline that im living with today. confused with when's breakfast, lunch and dinner. i crave for sleep but can't get it straight. no wonder i got sick.

next...

my friends. i think i don't have that much time to get in touch. although we have time to meet sometimes, we haven't updated really. it has always been some hi and goodbye feeling. something's missing. emotional background? it's like, having them around doesn't feel enough. yes, we do talk. but that's not it... the usual laughter is there. but there's something in our eyes that's seeking deep within. i know they feel it too. but what to do? oh well... i'll let it flow naturally.

what else?

interests. i've gained a lot. i plan to do so much. yet i get too little. i've been enthusiastic with work but after my illness i somewhat felt bored. but i still like the job, and plan to do more though so there's really nothing much from it. except that my pulse at work was changed and im having a hard time getting back on the line. but i can do this, i know i can.

movie clip. layouts. graphic designs. story lines. hanging stuffs that gets my attention yet couldn't find time to work on. im running out of ideas without being able to actually use the ones i have before it slips once again. that i trully hate.

home environment. our house is still under renovation. the dust from the cement makes my skin feel dry. im having pimples and i don't like it. i don't feel too good when i feel bad about the way i look. although i still get that you look pretty comments, i need to really feel it to believe it. and right now... i dont!

luckily i feel okay. emotionally. spiritually. mentally. even if i have all these things to distract me. i still feel like im on top of it all. i just need more time and rest, i guess. and more time for myself too. plus a GREAT unwinding. not just some usual hanging out at night. something different and meaningful. that's what i want.

so... that's it for now. just pouring my mind out. till next time.

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