My horoscope for today says: "Follow your mood."
It felt like I'm being spoiled. Because honestly, if I follow my mood, there would be a lot of broken stuff around me. I'm having tantrums. I feel weak. I have no one to share my thoughts to. I'm careful not to tell anyone about what I'm going through because that was what I'm advised to do, with fear that people might avoid me if they know. Yeah, I feel like a prisoner of my own doing. I'm the one who has to stay away.
I've always thought of myself as a lab rat, but now literally, I am. I've had a couple of tests. Today, I'd go get the result from one of it. A few of whom I talked to encouraged me saying there's hope the tests would turn out negative. I really don't know anymore. What I really want is to spoil myself more...
Why shouldn't I? I think by now I deserve it. I can't do much anyway. I can't go out. I can't really work anything out cause I'm too weak to do so. My friends are so far away. I have nothing to do but pity myself most of the time... then favor myself with stuff that could make me feel pretty. A way of boosting my self esteem needed at times like these. I feel so alone even if I know there are people supporting me.
I don't know... I just feel like screaming inside.