Wanting to entertain myself a bit during my weekend, I ended up hanging at the library café where I usually spend my free time in with my friends. Conversations going around the table a book instantly caught my eyes. I had a wide grin on my face reading its title: “If You Can Talk, You Can Write” by Joel Saltzman. Ignoring what my friends are talking about I reached out for it and started scanning the pages, checking the reviews and running my sight down to the table of contents. The thought that it states from the title itself makes me nod in agreement, until my smile faded.
Lately, it’s not the writing that’s troubling me, not that I’ve had enough ideas to write except for my daily work task… my real worry lies on me when I’m talking. (Emphasizing on the point that I’m supposed to be in the middle of a conversation while these thoughts came barging in my head making me loose my focus on whatever was on the table that time.)
So that’s the case. I find myself writing more non life specific topics, not worth blogging, much less publishing it. In short: writing technically like a robot. That’s it, a robot with not much emotion or feeling involved… plain information and nothing else. With these facts I came to realize that I have boxed my own way of showing how I feel. (Great thanks to my still growing fondness on blogging, I still have a therapy to look forward to).
I have observed that getting used on expressing yourself through writing almost every time you feel a certain urge or flow of emotion without actually speaking about it makes you loose the importance of vocal communication. The usual conversations are fine, but to the most serious ones where you’ll have to relay a part of how you’re truly feeling makes you loose that voice. And I actually mean it literally. Well, that’s how it is for me. It’s like suddenly becoming like a child trying to say, ma-ma to call out your mom for help. Tongue twisted, I usually end up feeling a lump in my throat with a pile of what’s supposed to be a sentence.
I guess that’s the side effect. I need human contact. (Now that sounded malicious). Writing, words, technical, blog: a bunch of keywords that can be synonymous to what we now know as virtual.
Today, I’d like to prick myself with a needle. Just to check if my skin’s still flexi and smooth… scared that it had turned into molded steel sheets and chips.
(testing, testing) OUCH!
Yup… still human… Thank God!