Di Mo Lang Alam

Just so you know I'm still alive, I decided to share to you again a song I'm tripping on lately. As for how I am, I'd rather not talk about it. Let's just say I have some kind of reward or penalty over my head and is required to focus on the family business... whatever. That was actually good news. I just wish I can get my hands on my wanted laptop so I can really have the complete set of the new products and tools that my parents provided for me. This is the new twist in my life... and a couple more that I'm trying to get through and over with.

I'm so exhausted. Physically due to the fact that I went to the cemetery today to clean my grandfather's tomb. A common ritual I usually do during All Soul's and Saint's day. As for the emo shit and mental strain... this song speaks best about it. Not that it explains a lot... I just somewhat liked listening more to it lately. Oh well.. here it is:

"OO"
by: UP DHARMA DOWN

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Ang puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka na lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman

‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

Gotta Go My Own Way?

isn't it obvious that i really couldn't get myself to write lately? i'm actually wondering about it myself. unlike the old days, i usually write when i feel like the world's getting back at me for some unknown fault i never knew. somehow i'm no longer that interested. maybe it's because i started this new blog in a cheery mood that i don't want it to turn out as just another teeny angst page. if that's not the cause, then maybe i'm just trying so hard to prevent my other self who's nagging at the back of my head for stupidly annoying words that i wanted to blurt out for a number of days now that i'm trying to suppress... no... unleashing my mislead self would only cause more chaos in the world. whatever...

i'm actually left with three more posts before reaching my 100th entry. cool...

anyway, for a mood clue, simply get a load of this mushy lyrics instead. don't argue~

Gotta Go My Own Way - Nikki Gil (Philippines)

(Male vocals by Arnie Mendaros)

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged

It's so hard to say but I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall every time
Another color turns to gray
And it's just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away

I'm leaving today 'cause I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

(What about us? What about everything we've been through?)
What about trust?
(You know I never wanted to hurt you)
What about me?
(What am I supposed to do?)
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

Oh I've got to move on and be who I am
(What about us?)
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
(Hope you understand)
(Try to understand)
We might find our place in this world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own way

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
(Try to understand)
We might find our place in this world someday
(World someday)
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way (ooh)
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way

Filipina: TRES MARIAS

"Middle name?"

We all encounter this question... from school information to applications and interviews; there comes a point where someone would ask what your mother's maiden name was. Up to just recently I came to realize, "why do we tend to miss it out really?"

Practically, since we've gotten to only use our middle name's initials when writing our names on paper and everywhere else, our mother's maiden surname usually gets left out. Things changed for me when my parents decided I live in my mom's hometown. LEGAZPI.

My first encounters were meaningful, it truly made me wonder.

"Middle name?"

I replied, "Asagra."

The interviewer's response made everything so interesting that I just had to know more.

"How are you related to Ruth, Grace and Patty?"

From school to church gatherings and mostly everywhere else, this became the usual scenario. With it lingering in my head, I pondered what made them so loved and known.

Ruth, Grace and Patty (my mother) are the perfect examples of a true Filipina character. Though they may not be the typical celebrity in the Philippines, they are the Tres Maria's that makes who I am today and inspires me on who I want to be in the future.

My Aunt Ruth and Aunt Grace, both certified nurses, chose the life of working and living abroad, but in their ways and life styles, they carry the pride of what a Filipina truly is. My mom settled at staying here in our homeland and managed to grow a business that continuously develops and evolves.

True enough, my admiration to these Tres Maria's soars higher than anything else and being the next in line puts great pressure on what's expected of me.

Compassion. Aunt Ruth, mother of two kids died fighting cancer. Though she struggled so much during her treatment, she fought real hard and had succeeded once too. Along the second blow of that illness she continued and managed to keep in touch, writing us with shaky hands words of comfort which made her parting quite endearing and accepted. She was able to inflict in us a caring and comforting attitude that we've come to cherish all these years.

Wisdom and discipline. Aunt Grace never failed to boost our confidence. Close to perfection, she ensured the thought of being happy about ourselves and to strive more. Up to now, her idea of faith, belief, and self control amazes me. Out of the three, she is the one I ran to when I doubt myself. Although she works as a nurse in New Jersey, she brought with her the knowledge of Filipino natural healing. Traditional massages matched with herbal medicines are among her specialties. More than that, her ability to push you beyond your limits truly gives you the strength to want more.

Patience, understanding and enthusiastic. Patty, my mom, the youngest among the Asagra sisters, is the life of the family. She carries with her that loving glow of a person full of life. I've seen her ups and downs but my hands are up when it comes to her strength and will. Beauty and brains. The tough chick with all the love she can give. That's who my mom is to us her kids, and to everyone else who knows her.

Mix all Tres Maria's together and hopefully you'll have... ME.

Basically, you can just imagine the character I have to life with after knowing what all three had to offer. These Tres Maria's are my inspiration. They reflect what a modern Filipina really is: A wild flower that's full of life, knowledge and love. Something that describes the real essence of a true blooded Pinay.

Sometimes knowing the background behind what you thought isn't so popular middle name comes up with something you can actually be proud of.

"Middle name?"

"Asagra!" And proud to be one. Filipina.

How about you? What's your middle name?




*this is my contribution to the Filipina Writing Project in their will to reshape the Filipina Image.*

THANKS A LOT!

and so I'm back.. from outer space! yay! no.. that's an exaggeration. anyways, again before anything else, and yes my bohol trip and vacation post plus a whole lot more are overdue, sorry for that! I would like to thank first a number of special persons that greeted me for my birthday last Oct. 4.. geez! even if i was out of touch from the cyber world i felt loved. LOL!

Muchos Gracias to the following peeps:

My family: * jasper * sami * alekz * christian * mom * dad * cheche * jonna * jantee * and cuzins! - Special People and Friends close to my heart: * habibi * joyz * lester * percy * eric * ajhie * bembem * kuya lito * dimpz * kwin * - Blogger Frenzies: * jmtuazon * mats * glenna * lalondelarosa * einjhel * fritzified * rakshari * paolom * and the rest of the gang... i hope i didn't miss out on anyone here in my special list... if i did, please do remind me. I'm kinda having heavy memory gaps lately. LOLS! but promise, just let me know and I'll add you up at once.

UPDATES: (it's kinda fun actually.. continuously editing a previous entry to make it new.. or not! LOL!!!!)

talamasca (greeted in chinese??? *more updates* fine.. remove the "DAW!" and adding this as proof: http://twitter.com/Talamasca/statuses/310957302) * kuya matt * frankie * pastor renee * dyu/bratyfly *

anyone else?

Art Exhibit

Another quick post:

Hello peeps! I'm back from my bohol trip and it was great! but before i go along telling you guys my adventures and misadventures, i'll just announce that i'll be in manila till Oct. 6. so if anyone out there's willing to meet up, feel free to text me.

By the way, there'll be an art exhibit by Dante Perez in Astra Art Gallery on Oct. 5, 6pm... i'll be there. maybe you'd like to join me? Hope to see you somehow... hehehhe...