I also hope to create a box around me. The ones where I could always run to at times like this. I want to contain myself. I don't wanna feel. I just want to stay okay.
Whenever I feel as bad as this I hear echoes of mockery inside my head. I fight with myself within my thoughts. How I pray it was more like a challenging fight with me, but no... it is all but a rage of emotions.
They think it's that easy to control and let loose. To ignore and move on. I'm asked to throw away these thoughts and emotions as if it's something tangible that you can hold. If only it really was that easy. I'm not like them... in control.
IF ONLY I COULD... why wouldn't I, right?
I want to sleep again. My mind had been awake all throughout my supposed sleep. My heart still feels heavy. I have prayed for comfort last night. I asked God to cloak me with warm feelings. I begged Him to stop my heart from breaking without reason. I begged I knew what to believe. I begged... that everything will be alright. I don't wanna hurt. I've had enough the past year, and the years before that. I've done so much, I've been through a lot. I'm tired already.
I just want to be okay. Please. Let me be.