Friday, October 31, 2008

Puffy Eyes

I couldn't help it. The tears simply flowed. I wanted to throw everything I could get my hands on, but I was stuck suffocating my screams with a pillow. There are things that I wish I don't feel. Thoughts that I wish would leave me. Hoping I could ignore what I want, and what I need.

I also hope to create a box around me. The ones where I could always run to at times like this. I want to contain myself. I don't wanna feel. I just want to stay okay.

Whenever I feel as bad as this I hear echoes of mockery inside my head. I fight with myself within my thoughts. How I pray it was more like a challenging fight with me, but no... it is all but a rage of emotions.

They think it's that easy to control and let loose. To ignore and move on. I'm asked to throw away these thoughts and emotions as if it's something tangible that you can hold. If only it really was that easy. I'm not like them... in control.

IF ONLY I COULD... why wouldn't I, right?

I want to sleep again. My mind had been awake all throughout my supposed sleep. My heart still feels heavy. I have prayed for comfort last night. I asked God to cloak me with warm feelings. I begged Him to stop my heart from breaking without reason. I begged I knew what to believe. I begged... that everything will be alright. I don't wanna hurt. I've had enough the past year, and the years before that. I've done so much, I've been through a lot. I'm tired already.

I just want to be okay. Please. Let me be.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

so sad... naka connect ako sayo tere... wait for my late posts.. heheh wara lng ako time maglaag kaito dgd.. huhuhuhuh

i'll see you at the cemetery later?

Aice Nice Concepts said...

hey relax yourself... may be listening to classical music may get rid of those unwanted thoughts?
it works for me (^_^)

Jake The Miserable said...

Easy there, Fraulein. It's just a sudden overwhelm of feelings. Magiging okay din ang lahat. Sana.

It happens. It also happens to me as just as everyone else.

quincy john said...

sabi nila, just pray when there's a rage of emotions disturbing you in your supposed sleeping time.

and then when you pray daw, have faith in Him that He will clear and fix everything up.

sabi nila about faith, there was this town who were praying for rain. the next day, isang bata lang ang nagdala ng payong. that's faith in action.

when you toss up a baby, he laughs. that's trust.

minsan bago matulog, we plan out things for the next day though we're uncertain if the next morning will come. that's hope.

everything will be ok. think of the things that make you happy. get rid of stressing emotions.

pray, have faith, trust and hope.

- after several months, nabuhay ako sa blogging..it has been a couple of months now.

quincyjohn said...

oo, therapy nga xa.

matagal na rin xe akong di na ka sulat talga.. labas sa terms of reference ko sa sa bago kong work ang technical writing kaya sabi ko parang mapupurol na utak so i decided to write again. hehe

yah, i hope when the wind chimes cling again, it will remind you.

kelangan lang naman natin ng reminder eh.

yung office namin sa ortigas. but m staying with my boss sa antipolo city.

m planning to board na by next year sa cubao.

musta ka? how's work? how's lovelife?

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